Nablopomo Day 2.

A quote that has been bouncing around in my head as I try to work through my attitudes towards writing:  “Don’t be a writer.  Be writing”  (Faulkner, as cited in The Writing Warrior:  Discovering the Courage to Free Your True Voice by Laraine Herring).  I think what I have wanted to be was a writer, not so much to be writing.  The writing is tangled up in my head with struggle and judgment and painful emotions.  Being a writer on the other hand, carries with it visions of financial independence, or at the very least working in my pajamas, speaking my mind.

But truly speaking my mind is an elusive goal.  It has been breathtaking to discover how loud and powerful the inner critics are.  I still write as if I am arguing with a particularly obstreperous professor I had many years ago.  And I write to please my readers, to not hurt feelings, to not rock the boat.  How tight the straitjacket of propriety is; yet even seeing it, I cannot seem to break free.